she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
