Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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