Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
