That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
