it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My balls are so social today.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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