: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
