I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize