sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
