Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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