my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
