White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
