The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
