In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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