I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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