i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
