Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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