I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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