I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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