her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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