We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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