what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
