They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
