Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Mom said you looked used
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
