I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
