She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
