I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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