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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
