We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
