If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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