Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
