conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
