i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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