hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
