thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
