direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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