why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
