Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
