At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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