Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
