I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
