I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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