Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
