I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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