Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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