Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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