I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I understand Curling. That high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
