If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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