She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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