I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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