Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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