i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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